strong enough

God, I feel like hell tonight
Tears of rage I cannot fight
I'd be the last to help you understand
Are you strong enough to be my man?

Nothing's true and nothing's right
So let me be alone tonight
Cause you can't change the way I am
Are you strong enough to be my man?

Lie to me
I promise I'll believe
Lie to me
But please don't leave

I have a face I cannot show
I make the rules up as I go
Just try and love me if you can
Are you strong enough to be my man?

When I've shown you that I just don't care
When I'm throwing punches in the air
When I'm broken down and I can't stand
Will you be man enough to be my man?

Lie to me
I promise I'll believe
Lie to me
But please don't leave
-s.crow

someone told me to be honest. just say what you feel. wrestle with it. be mad if you have to. see what God does with it. even when it doesn't seem to make any sense.
i took the risk to share.
i feel like it was a mistake.
i know it's my fault. my mess. my consequences.
and then there are the things that are completely out of my control too.
i can't justify how i feel. i don't even really know if that's how i really feel. i don't know how i'm supposed to feel. but then someone said there's no how you're "supposed" to feel. what you feel is what you feel. just be honest.
i thought i was.
and deep down i think i knew how convoluted my perspective had become.
but i was honest.
and broken.
broked.

how do you know when you're supposed to slap someone in the face to wake them up or just be a friend and listen, no matter how stupid they're being? if your friend was crying and struggling to pour her heart to you because she knows it's dumb but does so anyway, and you think that she's totally unreasonable and downright ridiculous, in that moment, would you tell her that?
who can handle that?
i'm not strong enough.

i feel so stupid.
for being honest.
i was honestly stupid.
or stupidly honest.
i know i'm narrowminded right now. for the moment, my world is just me. it's so wrong. it has to be. is it unfair to ask that no one take me seriously cuz i'm just mad at myself and i'll say stupid things? stupidly honest things?

God's taking care of you. i know.
you can do it. i know.
just work hard. i know.
try your best. i know.
smile! i'll try.
let me pray for you. thanks.
for the hug, the understanding, the kiss, the shoulder, the ears, the smile, the pat, the tissue, the oversized napkin. thanks.
for the unexpected tears you wiped away when we were casually talking about worship team, thanks.
for telling me how to cry so my eyes don't end up puffy, thanks a million.

you, my first pair of listening ears, my brother, my lunch buddy, my man of honour, would you be strong enough to tell me if i was being ridiculous?
and you, who obviously are strong enough, would things have been different if we were on the phone?
and me, did you need that to make you come to your senses?

i'm still hurting.
i'm still confused.
i'm still tired
i'm still struggling.
i'm still alone.
i'm still behind.
i'm still not strong enough.
but i'm not angry anymore. at least not at you. or You.
and i'm starting to get unstuck. because of you. of You.

i can be so SO difficult.
what can i say, i'm a girl.
and an artist.
i feel too much. do too little.
or do too much, at all the wrong times.
i'm a perfectionist.
but an expert procrastinator.
a productive procrastinator.
just productive with the wrong things.
sometimes i care too much.
sometimes i care too little.
i can be so ridiculous.
i can be so unloveable.
i'm sorry i can be such a jerk.

i don't know how you do it, but you're strong enough.
i may have the man arms, but you're strong enough.
thank you. i must work you out hard.
and You, always always strong enough.
even when i'm too ME to see it.
You're working me like whoa.
maybe so i can be strong enough too.
for what?
i don't know.
but when i'm not,
You are.
and that's enough.

faith and endurance

Dear brothers and sisters,whenever trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for joy. For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be strong in character and ready for anything.

If you need wisdom--if you want to know what God wants you to do--ask him, and he will gladly tell you. He will not resent your asking. But when you ask him, be sure that you really expect him to answer, for a doubtful mind is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. People like that should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. They can't make up their minds. They waver back and forth in everything they do.

Christians who are poor should be glad, for God has honored them. And those who are rich should be glad, for God has humbled them. They will fade away like a flower in the field. The hot sun rises and dries up the grass; the flower withers, and its beauty fades away. So also, wealthy people will fade away with all of their achievements.

God blesses the people who patiently endure testing. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. And remember, no one who wants to do wrong should ever say, "God is tempting me." God is never tempted to do wrong, and he never tempts anyone else either. Temptation comes from the lure of our own evil desires. These evil desires lead to evil actions, and evil actions lead to death. So don't be misled, my dear brothers and sisters.

Whatever is good and perfect comes to us from God above, who created all heaven's lights. Unlike them, he never changes or casts shifting shadows. In his goodness he chose to make us his own children by giving us his true word. And we, out of all creation, became his choice possession. (-James 1:2-18)

"cuz now i'm stronger than yesterday,
now it’s nothing but my way
my loneliness ain’t killing me no more
i-i-i-i-i-i'm .....stronger"?

yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah, no.

(and eww. have i done the unthinkable and quoted britney?)

everybody hurts

When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,
When you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on
Don't let yourself go, 'cause everybody cries
and everybody hurts sometimes

Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it's time to sing along
When your day is night alone, hold on, hold on
If you feel like letting go, hold on
When you think you've had too much of this life, well hang on

'Cause everybody hurts.
Take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts.
Don't throw your hand. Oh, no. Don't throw your hand
If you feel like you're alone, no, no, no, you are not alone

If you're on your own in this life, the days and nights are long,
When you think you've had too much of this life to hang on

Well, everybody hurts sometimes,
Everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes
And everybody hurts sometimes. So, hold on, hold on
Everybody hurts. You are not alone.
-rem

i have to believe

I have to believe He sees my darkness
I have to believe that He knows my pain
I have to lift up my hands to worship
Worship His name

I have to declare that He is my refuge
I have to deny that I am alone
I have to lift up my eyes to the mountains
It's where my help comes from

He said that He's forever faithful
He said that He's forever true
He said that He can move mountains
And if He can move mountains
He can move my mountain
He can move your mountain too

I have to stand tall when the wind blows me over
I have to stand strong when I'm weak and afraid
I have to grab hold, hold of the garments
Garments of praise

I have to sing praise when the hour is midnight
He unlocks the chains that bind up my soul
My sin and my shame, He has forgiven and made me whole
I have to believe
-r.springer

hanging on tight. i have to believe.
i know you do too. you know who you are...

be still, my soul

Be still, my soul,
The Lord is on your side.
Bear patiently, the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to your God, to order and provide.
In every change He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul,
Your best your heavenly friend,
Through thorny waves leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul,
Your God will undertake
To guide the future as he has the past.
Your hope, your confidence let nothing shake.
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul,
The waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while he lived below.

Be still, my soul,
Be still, my soul,
Be still.
-g.owens

i know it'll be ok in the end...i do...